Raising A Teen Boy
I bet at some point in your parenting journey you’ve heard the saying “parenting doesn’t come with a manual” and honestly you’d be right.
Parenting is hard
and messy
and scary
and causes you to pray a lot
and 99% of the time you have no idea what you are doing
and it’s the greatest gift I’ve ever been given.
With a child at the age of 16 I have survived and celebrated several stages of his life, all the highs and lows. This past Thursday evening Colby had to be dropped off at the school to catch a bus so he could play soccer in England and it was this car ride where I decided to ask him…
If you could tell me anything about parenting you as a teen, what would you say?
His response was so good I thought it deserved a post and that’s how you’re reading 5 things Teen Boys would want you to know about raising them.
THE 5 THINGS HE WANTS YOU TO KNOW
ASK THEIR OPINION:
Kids need to be heard and although at 16 my son is still a kid he is also growing into an adult. I want him to know that his opinion is taken into consideration in some of our decisions. For example; we as a family were due to move this year around christmas. However that would put Colby in the middle of his Sophomore year of high school. Jon and I both felt that he had sacrificed a lot as a military/government kid moving every three years so we asked him if he would like to stay in Germany or graduate at a high school somewhere else. He chose to stay and we listened.
Does this mean that every time we have a decision Colby is the deciding factor? No. If we allowed all the decision making to be his we’d be living off of pizza, popcorn, and ice cream. But it does mean that when we have a family decision to make, big or small, he is part of that round table, even if he doesn’t get his way.OWN YOUR MISTAKES - DON’T BE A HYPOCRITE:
Growing up my dad use to repeat “Do as I say, Not as I Do” whenever he was being a hypocrite. I hated that saying because it didn’t teach me much when it came to making mistakes, personal responsibility, and apologies.
That is why, when I became a mom, I wanted Colby to know the importance of owning up. Now that my son is a teen, its like he has a sixth sense, able pick out total hypocrisy when it comes to parenting him. Here’s my advice when you mess up; sit down, be humble, and apologize. Admit you were wrong, it doesn’t make you weak, it shows him that you are responsible for your actions alone. It also shows him that you are human, we all are. Its moments like these where he learns forgiveness and grace towards others.LET HIM BE HIMSELF:
I’ve always had big dreams of who my son would be. He’d be something similar to me in humor, great at math like his dad, outgoing, and athletic because its imbedded in his genes on both sides. Yet my son has challenged me at every turn. He’s an introvert who can spend hours in his room playing video games. We have been through so many phases and trends from Beyblades to Pokemon. He even dabbled in playing an instrument in the middle school band. It took all of these choices and experiences for Colby to finally figure out who and what he enjoyed.
Today he’s still an introvert but he loves lifting weights at the gym. I’m a football, soccer, JROTC, and National Honor Society mama because of him and he is a happy thriving teen. What did I not do? Try to change him into what I wanted him to be in that moment. I had to learn to sit back and let him figure things out. I had to learn to accept and love him exactly where he was at, even if band concerts and a whole wardrobe of gaming t-shirts weren’t really my thing.LET CONVERSATION HAPPEN NATURALLY:
Boys are full of questions. Questions about friends, girls, shaving, driving, balancing checkbooks, doing laundry, peer pressure and they need you to listen and respond. Let this happen naturally. You’ll find yourself in the middle of shopping, riding around in the car, cooking dinner, or even helping with homework and these conversations will spring up. Don’t shut your teen boy down and don’t interrogate them. It’s this patience that will help you gain their trust and your advice that, when followed or not, will show them that you have their best interests at heart. Having open lines of communication has not only been a blessing but some of my favorite times with him.TRUST HIM ENOUGH NOT TO MICROMANAGE:
Would I make half the decisions he does? Probably not. Let’s be honest, just the way he loads the dishwasher drives me insane but I have learned not to helicopter parent. If a cup falls over and it doesn’t get cleaned he has to wash it by hand. Colby has to learn by making his own mistakes, even if it takes multiple times to set in. If I am constantly making decisions for him he’ll never learn to be independent once he’s out on his own and at college. He’s had to learn personal responsibility, time management, personal hygiene, keeping promises, and even how to travel around on the european transit system. This summer he’ll be working for the government so another lesson will present itself both in a professional workplace and learning about balancing money. I’ll teach him what he needs to know, I may even step in and remind him of his big goals when he veers off course but he has to be independent and you, dear mama, have to let him.